When biological mothers return

Juno will probably reach another childbearing age when, this time around, she’s likely to want the child. So her past is scored by a sexual slip that resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. It takes some years of maturity before a biological mother looks back at her womb-spawn.

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There are many cases where curiosity gets the better of a mother who had willfully abandoned her child. The maternal instinct kicks in more violently among those whose separation from their children was brought about by unfortunate circumstances, such as imprisonment and drug abuse. Social workers could have weaned the child from the mother’s incapable hands.

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There are many possibilities a biological mother could not fulfill her responsibilities at a given time, but these do not preclude a return to the original calling. And when that happens, the time in court is a drama worthy of George Eliot. Custody rights of the biological parent and the adoptive one could sometimes be easily resolved through moral debates. But there could be conflicting legal statutes that could drag the case on and traumatize the child.

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Some cases are extrajudicially resolved through custody compromises. Other informal agreements where the mother is gradually eased into the child’s life presupposes a proper introduction. Eventually, some foster parents think the truth healthy. But for others, the return of the biological mother is hostile territory, one that must be arbitrated by professionals.

There are other ways conflicts between biological and adoptive parents could be prevented in the future. Heart to Heart Adoptions ensures that amid these contestations, the child in question will not suffer trauma. Find out how through its website.

Single parenthood: More dads are skipping the “mom” part

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The “ticking biological clock” no longer applies to just women. In the last decade, an increasing number of men have opted to adopt or have children by surrogate, foregoing the expectation of starting with a relationship or getting married first. Today, there are more than one million single fathers by choice in the United States.

Self-imposed single dads are few but come from all walks of life. One of the general misconceptions is that single dads are either gay or divorced with full custody. In reality, an alternative situation is on the rise. Many single dads by choice are successful businessmen who, because of focusing on their career, were unable to find a suitable partner or maintain a relationship. Some of them opted out of relationships and marriage entirely because they grew up with divorced parents. In the eyes of American law, this does not make them less fit to be a father.

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Surrogate vs. adoption

Improved fertility technology has allowed men to become fathers without a wife. Some single fathers joke about how “shopping” for the egg donor was an easier process than going on actual dates. Unlike adoption, the cost for surrogacy can exceed $100,000. However, this is a price many men are willing to pay to have “one of their own.”

Though adoption may cost less, single-part adoption policies vary by agency. On top of dealing with an inconsistent system, single fathers have been stereotyped and even faced suspicion. It seems that some parts of the country are not as agreeable to the thought of a man voluntarily raising a child without a “mother.”

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Regardless of how the child comes into a single father’s life, there is no question that he loves the child unconditionally. With a rise in the number of orphaned children– and a recent study finding that men are twice as likely as women to adopt as single parents before the age of 44– it is clear that state and agency policies on single male parent adoption should learn to favor single dads by choice.

At Heart to Heart Adoptions, a fair and thorough interview process is followed for all prospective adoptive parents without discrimination to other circumstances. Learn about its services here.

Changing perspectives: Successful people raised by adoptive parents

The media and personal belief hinder many people from considering adoption and taking orphans into their care. Aside from wanting to avoid the seemingly complex paperwork, many have reservations about raising kids who are not “their own.” But as history proves, this fear is often unwarranted, as many great men and women were brought up by adoptive parents. Here are some of them:

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Steve Jobs
He is famous for being one of the founders of Apple, Inc., one of the leading technological companies today. He was born in San Francisco but was raised in Mountain View, California, by his adoptive parents, Paul and Clara Jobs. He became recognized as one of the figures that led the revolution of touchscreen technology, leading to techno wonders like tablet computers and touchscreen smart phones.

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Faith Hill
She was born in Mississippi, and was adopted by a devout Christian couple. She grew up alongside two adoptive brothers. A talented singer, she worked hard to be in the music business. Since releasing her 1993 album, she has become recognized as a country music superstar.

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Nelson Mandela
He lost his father when he was a child, and was adopted by Thembu king Jongintaba. He became recognized for his anti-apartheid activities. He devoted himself to fighting for racial equality, and was imprisoned for 27 years for his anti-government affairs. He was released in 1990, and became the first South African president to be elected in a democratic vote.

For more information about adoption, visit Heart to Heart Adoptions at www.hearttoheartadopt.com.

Heart to Heart Adoptions: Doing a Cam and Mitchell

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In hit TV series Modern Family, a gay couple named Cam and Mitchell adopt a Vietnamese baby. Heart to Heart Adoptions, a non-profit adoption agency that mediates between birth mothers and foster parents, sees this as a progressive development in mainstream television. As ambivalence toward LGBT marriages plagues a divided America, issues on gay parenting are also thrown into the debates.

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Cam and Mitchell’s case, of course, is not uncommon, and the show has been successfully tongue-in-cheek about potential awkward strings.  Their adopted baby on the show, Lily, calls two men “daddy” and even gets better chances of getting enrolled in an elite nursery school by virtue of her parents’ “marginalized” status.  There’s no attempt to ignore the issue or make a case that Cam and Mitchell enjoy parenting and sexuality in the untrammeled, Scandinavian way.

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Despite shows like Modern Family, Heart to Heart Adoptions is aware that uptight America has not really released its fairy wings. The show’s misgiving is in the ease of Cam and Mitchell’s success, though there have been episodes where the couple continually grapples with societal homophobia. In reality, LGBT couples with the intention of adopting don’t have it good, although there are neither laws nor statutes banning them from doing so. Although appeals are settled in courts, these could drag on without the benefit of time and resources.

Learn about the mission of Heart to Heart Adoptions in building happy families through its website.

Adoption: Not a simple decision

For most mothers, placing one’s child for adoption is not a simple decision to make. Every mother shares a special bond with her child even after the cord that physically connects them is severed. The love of a mother is often described as universal, and it is this love that keeps her attached to her child. For others, however, it is also this same love that leads them to entrust their child to other people.

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One of the leading reasons behind the growing number of children placed for adoption is the incapability of the birth parents to support the needs of their children. Many of them are also financially, emotionally, and psychologically unprepared to fulfill their responsibilities as proper parents. In other cases, children are born to couples who already have enough children to feed. Another child would seriously disrupt their capacity to support their older children.

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Faced with these factors, parents, especially mothers, make the difficult decision to separate with their children despite their special bond. In this situation, the desire to secure a bright future beats maternal attachment. The kids are placed for adoption with the hope that they will be taken in by a family that can give the financial and emotional support they need to grow as proper citizens.

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Fortunately, current technology and the availability of transportation have made keeping connections between birth mothers and their children’s adoptive families easier and more convenient. This greatly reduces the feeling of uncertainty, pain, and fear felt by mothers about the adoption.

Heart to Heart Adoptions has been helping birth mothers find the right adoptive families for their babies. For more information about its services, you may visit www.hearttoheartadopt.com.

“Why don’t you look alike?” and other questions adoptive parents should be prepared to answer

People can become surprisingly forthright when overcome with the shock of discovering you’ve adopted your child. Whether taking a creative (read: sarcastic) or informative approach, adoptive parents should be prepared to answer questions from family and friends who may not be as agreeable or knowledgeable about the process.

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Why didn’t you get one that looked like you?
Families are not defined by the extent to which its members resemble each other. The difference in your appearances might as well be due to a collection of recessive genes.

Do you know the real parents?
As far as anyone is concerned, you are this child’s “real parents.” You have woken up at every cry, cleaned countless dirty diapers, and mashed your weight in carrots. You are the very definition of a parent, so unless it’s a question of genetically inherited anomalies, the rest of your child’s family tree bears no relevance to the validity of your parenthood.

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Are you going to have kids of your own?
Despite being fertile, many couples still opt to adopt because they have compassion for the number of children who, by terrible and unforeseen circumstances, are orphaned at a young age. If you and your spouse should wish to have a biological child in the future, you should not base your decision on already having an adopted child in the family.

When are you going to tell him he’s adopted?
First of all, this is not anybody’s decision but yours. When you feel your child is ready to understand what being adopted means– and that despite that, you love him unconditionally because your love does not differ from a biological parent’s– then you can let him know. Until then, family and friends should be sensitive enough not to reveal this to your child unexpectedly.

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Can you love an adopted child the way biological parents love their children?
The simple, unequivocal, and absolute answer to this is yes.

To read more about things adoptive parents should know, visit the Heart to Heart Adoptions website.

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